Confined

Knowing you are going to make it,
is just as hard as not knowing.
I know i will succeed.
I tell myself everyday,
but exhibiting the patience to wait till my time comes is a challenge.
The days, months, years pass. All considered necessary.
Life is short, I want to live NOW.
I feel confined by the way things are designed.
Constantly preparing for the next step,
while questioning the reason for the last.
Why are we brought up this way?
Money.

 

Silence

Silence is so difficult.
It disguises itself as tranquility,
but it is no such thing.
The quiet sparks my mind,
like a match to kindling.
Regrets, mistakes, desires,
fuel the fire into an inferno.
One day I may extinguish my troubles,
but until then I cannot appreciate empty air.

Fire

The chill climbs up my spine.
I shiver.
I am engulfed by the darkness,
it suffocates me.
I want to feel that comfort that accompanies warmth.
I want to feel the peacefulness brought by light.
Fire.
Uneasy and confused, I continue.

I KNOW

I am intelligent.
I control my feelings.
Not true.
My mind may be strong,
but my heart is even stronger.
Logic is clouded by the heart,
and the mind loses focus.
I KNOW the answers.
I KNOW what should be done.
I KNOW what should not be done.
Still, my heart guides my decisions.
The wrong decisions.
Why?
My instinctive desires outshine logic,
out govern my more than capable mind.
I feel weak. Understandable.

Move On

Its difficult sometimes.
I would like to forget,
but things are never that easy.
I embrace my family, and feel
their love.
All the while, something is still
empty.
Its a void I know will one day be filled,
but till that moment of epiphany I long, yearn,
for a feeling of wholeness. 
She is back on my mind.  I know she is not for me,
but the way she made me feel invigorated me.
I want it back.
She will not be back.
I tell myself she will be back.
I lie to myself. I feel better.
Move on.
My mind knows what I must do,
but my heart cannot comprehend.
It senses that lost love,
and is not ready to relinquish the feelings.